I must talk about a wonderful family who have become as special to me as my own family. Lady Shells and Mr. Music were given my number when their first daughter, Biscuit, was 6 months old as they needed a part-time sitter. Here we are 8 years later, they have a 2nd daughter, Doughnut, who is 4 1/2. I babysit whenever I can which is hardly ever these days, so mostly I just go over for dinner or to hang out whenever we can make it work. I have only ever missed one of the girls' school performances or recitals and that can be blamed on the most awful traffic. This family means the world to me and each one of them is a critical part of the development of McPie.
This brings me to the point of today's blog, last night we celebrated the 4th night of Hanukkah together, it was AMAZING! The story begins after candle lighting, I was sitting on the couch with Mr. Music when Doughnut sauntered up and in the most adorable voice says "Lysa (lie-su) can I be your sweetie?" and as my heart melted I replied "you already are my sweetie" then Doughnut says "no Lysa, I want you to be my mom...". Mr. Music and I almost died trying to hold back the laughter that would inevitably offend the 4 year old. Lady Shells is listening from the open kitchen and we all understood the innocence and sweetness of this. When I McPie am there at the house, we all get so excited because we don't get to all be together as much as we used to so everyone is on their best behavior (including myself) and kids don't get in trouble as often and there is an additional adult in the room to watch their shows and help open their presents and so on. Basically this interaction was perfect. I constantly have this fear that if I go too long without seeing them (by too long I mean 2 weeks), the kids won't be as fond of me so to speak, so it's conversations like the one I had with Doughnut that remind me how bonded I am to these kids.
The story continues but it skips forward about 30 minutes. Everyone is still having a great time, Biscuit and Doughnut opened a couple presents each and then it was my turn to give the family a gift from Mr. McPie and me. Biscuit turns to attention wearing her new purple gingham fedora and Doughnut walks a little closer to me so she is within arms reach. I tell them that my gift is to give Lady Shells and Mr. Music a date night while Mr. McPie and I take Biscuit and Doughnut on a date of our own to a pizza place, then an ice cream shop then to either rent a movie or go to a movie. Biscuit lights up, I mean she is going to have a grown-up night out, how awesome is that. And just as I begin feeling like wow how totally successful is this gift, I turn to Doughnut whose bottom lip is jutting out as it swallows her upper lip, and her eyes scrunch together and the wailing begins. "Oh my god Doughnut, what is wrong?" I say. She replies "That's not the kind of present I wanted, I want a present I can touch." At this point, 4 year old fatigue hysteria begins. I tell her how sad I am that she doesn't like my present and she is just heart broken about not having a present to open from me as she only got 2 presents tonight (as if that is the most horrible thing that has ever happened to her) when the other night she got hundreds of presents so she says. I need to explain here that in no way have Lady Shells and Mr. Music spoiled their children, and had I not been there and this fit happened, there would have been a kibosh squash SOOOOO fast. But I was there so I try to indulge a conversation and solution with my dear Doughnut as she is now sitting on my lap and crying on my shoulder. I suggested that on our date night, I bring a present she can open, does she want a necklace? or a bracelet perhaps? Through her tears, and without missing a beat, she tells me she wants a necklace....with lots of diamonds and a star....and then.....she screams again and the crying is in my ear and so so loud as she bawls "but I want my present right now wahhhhh". At this moment, I look at her and I smile and if feels like time stops for a second and everything starts going forward again in slow motion, as the ONLY thing I am thinking about as she howls in my ear, is how it must feel when you have your own children as I can't fathom how anyone could possibly love a child more than I do my Biscuit and Doughnut. Am I wrong to think that most people would be running for the hills in this moment?
p.s. I am aware the kid screaming thing isn't cute 99% of the time....
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
A very McPie dream
Most of my close friends and family know that I have ridiculously elaborate dreams and remember a huge portion of them, well I had a weird one last night/this morning and I think the only way to shake it is to write it down.
In the first half of my dream I had just moved back to Boston with my college best friend American Pie. We were with all these guys we shared a dorm floor with freshman year, one of them I just saw on facebook got married last week. We were all living near college and looking for work, but taking classes at the same time. Mr McPie had apparently told me he was breaking up with me for a couple of days, it hadn't sunk in at this point in my dream. (A total side note, and not part of this dream, Mr. McPie is making me pancakes right now....heaven, don't be jealous :-)). We were all broke but somehow really happy and seeing the lite, we rode on the T, met other students, told them we graduated 10 years ago but felt like picking up a few classes, I remember we all looked very young in the dream. Then in my dream I went to sleep and I was aware that I was in a very precarious emotional state and when I woke up in my dream, American Pie and I were living in Los Angeles with my mother, in my old bedroom, but my old bedroom was actually the bedroom from My Father and Step-Mother's house. At this point in the dream I am very sad because I am aware that Mr. McPie has broken up with me for a few days. In fact, he let me have the tickets to the concert we are going to. I had 2 tickets and I think Fro NoFro had a ticket as well so American Pie and I were going to give him a ride but then all of a sudden it wasn't really American Pie anymore, it was some other chick who I don't recognize but still call American Pie, and my gay high school boyfriend, who shall henceforth be referred to as the Mayor, was there and telling me why he broke up with me in high school. He was super effeminate in my dream and in the dream I was confused as to whether he was explaining to me why he dumped me in high school or why Mr. McPie broke up with me for a couple of days the day before. The Mayor told me it was because the environment was nicer to him than it was to me. WHAT?!?!?!? He said to me "look at your family, the environment wasn't nice to all of you." Then he told me that I also wasn't a girl of smaller size and told me to look at my pants. They were very light colored jeans, almost stone washed, and I also remember being aware they were a size 8 and too big (Hey, dreams are part fantasy right). At this point in my dream we are somehow now caravanning to the Rose Bowl, Fro NoFro, The Mayor, and American Pie are in the back car and Mr. McPie and I are leading in the front. I guess Mr McPie agreed to drop me off at the concert before driving to General Middle Irvine. AGAIN WHAT?!?!?! He said he needed dental work done and it would be a really long Saturday. Before I got out of the car he advised me not to be in alleys by myself, as he said that as he pointed to a tunnel we were driving under. Right before I woke up, American Pie was walking towards me and told me the boys were following close by. Mr. McPie said he loved me and we'd talk later....as if he might die in General Middle Irvine.
OK people, this is actually one of my milder dreams. Some things are very obvious to interpret but other things are kinda like huh? When I woke up this morning I was holding on to Mr. McPie very tightly; not only was I cutting off the circulation in his arm, I was cutting it off in my arm as well...not so happy making. Anyway, I do feel better now having spewed this all out so I am going to eat some pancakes....yummy.
p.s. I am sorry if the confusion of this post hurts any part of your brain.....at least in this dream I wasn't being chased by a Hairy Toothed Tiger.
In the first half of my dream I had just moved back to Boston with my college best friend American Pie. We were with all these guys we shared a dorm floor with freshman year, one of them I just saw on facebook got married last week. We were all living near college and looking for work, but taking classes at the same time. Mr McPie had apparently told me he was breaking up with me for a couple of days, it hadn't sunk in at this point in my dream. (A total side note, and not part of this dream, Mr. McPie is making me pancakes right now....heaven, don't be jealous :-)). We were all broke but somehow really happy and seeing the lite, we rode on the T, met other students, told them we graduated 10 years ago but felt like picking up a few classes, I remember we all looked very young in the dream. Then in my dream I went to sleep and I was aware that I was in a very precarious emotional state and when I woke up in my dream, American Pie and I were living in Los Angeles with my mother, in my old bedroom, but my old bedroom was actually the bedroom from My Father and Step-Mother's house. At this point in the dream I am very sad because I am aware that Mr. McPie has broken up with me for a few days. In fact, he let me have the tickets to the concert we are going to. I had 2 tickets and I think Fro NoFro had a ticket as well so American Pie and I were going to give him a ride but then all of a sudden it wasn't really American Pie anymore, it was some other chick who I don't recognize but still call American Pie, and my gay high school boyfriend, who shall henceforth be referred to as the Mayor, was there and telling me why he broke up with me in high school. He was super effeminate in my dream and in the dream I was confused as to whether he was explaining to me why he dumped me in high school or why Mr. McPie broke up with me for a couple of days the day before. The Mayor told me it was because the environment was nicer to him than it was to me. WHAT?!?!?!? He said to me "look at your family, the environment wasn't nice to all of you." Then he told me that I also wasn't a girl of smaller size and told me to look at my pants. They were very light colored jeans, almost stone washed, and I also remember being aware they were a size 8 and too big (Hey, dreams are part fantasy right). At this point in my dream we are somehow now caravanning to the Rose Bowl, Fro NoFro, The Mayor, and American Pie are in the back car and Mr. McPie and I are leading in the front. I guess Mr McPie agreed to drop me off at the concert before driving to General Middle Irvine. AGAIN WHAT?!?!?! He said he needed dental work done and it would be a really long Saturday. Before I got out of the car he advised me not to be in alleys by myself, as he said that as he pointed to a tunnel we were driving under. Right before I woke up, American Pie was walking towards me and told me the boys were following close by. Mr. McPie said he loved me and we'd talk later....as if he might die in General Middle Irvine.
OK people, this is actually one of my milder dreams. Some things are very obvious to interpret but other things are kinda like huh? When I woke up this morning I was holding on to Mr. McPie very tightly; not only was I cutting off the circulation in his arm, I was cutting it off in my arm as well...not so happy making. Anyway, I do feel better now having spewed this all out so I am going to eat some pancakes....yummy.
p.s. I am sorry if the confusion of this post hurts any part of your brain.....at least in this dream I wasn't being chased by a Hairy Toothed Tiger.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Push On McPie
So I have no idea why I got all insecure about blogging again and took a break (ya I'm aware how quickly i needed a break); even started questioning my own motives for blogging in the first place. Then I began wondering if this is part of a greater pattern in the life of McPie? I never really thought of myself as someone who doesn't finish what they start......but maybe I am.
I wrote a list:
When I was in the 2nd grade, I loved a series of books called Choose Your Own Adventure by R.A. Montgomery, I loved it so much that I talked about it...a lot. So my parents (still married to each other at the time) thought it would be a good idea to write one myself (this was, in fact, a trick they used to get me to stop talking which they learned from my first grade teacher. "McPie, why don't you write me a letter hmm?" said Mrs. Rabasa frustrated at the fact that McPie wouldn't stop talking while the rest of the class lay on their mats for nap time). Anyhow, I did it, I wrote a Choose Your Own Adventure book.....well most of it anyway. I actually distinctly remember NOT finishing it. There was a competition (probably hosted by scholastic news), and my dad was going to help me submit my book, and I wouldn't finish it. I was a very competitive child, so really I'm not sure what got into me. Mom and Dad, if either of you saved that book by any chance......I'd love to see it.
In 6th grade, in shop class, I decided to make Fro NoFro a skateboard.......hahahahahahahaha
In high school I started knitting a blanket, even bought enough yarn for the whole thing........I finished 3 12"x12" squares....I needed 25....I still have it.
OMIT COLLEGE EXAMPLE
OMIT POST COLLEGE EXAMPLE
A few years ago, I became a giant yoga junky, it was amazing, I was going to 6 classes a week, I felt amazing, my giant ass was looking like a rather fit giant ass. I stopped...I blamed it on money...load of crap. Lady Shells, dear friends and yoga teacher, said I could take her classes whenever I want and she would never charge me....I still haven't gone back. I saw Lady Shells last night...she reminded me of the free yoga offer, in fact she demanded I start showing up...I wonder what the odds are on that one.
Most recently , Sasa Wongstein and I wrote a script...we started in July, in August we had 10 pages left....now....we have 10 pages left...we have outlined those last 10 pages a million times, but we find every excuse in the book to not finish. It is an amazing tween script by the by, with lots of action and plenty of good messages in case anyone is buying!
So here we are....I am the queen of sabotaging my own hobbies..what is that about? I know that I hate the end of doing anything because it's freakin' scary (anyone who I have ever worked with on anything, project or film, knows the puddles of tears that soak my feet and theirs when the end is near). I mean the end means that people will see things and judge them and compare and everything, and it means something new will start which can be exciting and daunting and anxiety inducing...I get it, it's obvious. But hobbies? Things that are for me don't get finished and I have no idea why.
Well I am continuing, with no plan to finish of course....definite plans for disappearing every now and again, but really that's my personality, I am phase driven I suppose. I get inspired quickly, move on, and lose my inspiration....must talk about this with shrink ASAP.
p.s. Mr McPie and I are going to Vegas for the weekend, we have tickets to a concert. 2 days ago, I actually said "we don't have to go if you don't want to?". Is this somehow related to my chronic hobby quitting I wonder? I need to get a grip if anyone knows where I can get a cheap one.
I wrote a list:
When I was in the 2nd grade, I loved a series of books called Choose Your Own Adventure by R.A. Montgomery, I loved it so much that I talked about it...a lot. So my parents (still married to each other at the time) thought it would be a good idea to write one myself (this was, in fact, a trick they used to get me to stop talking which they learned from my first grade teacher. "McPie, why don't you write me a letter hmm?" said Mrs. Rabasa frustrated at the fact that McPie wouldn't stop talking while the rest of the class lay on their mats for nap time). Anyhow, I did it, I wrote a Choose Your Own Adventure book.....well most of it anyway. I actually distinctly remember NOT finishing it. There was a competition (probably hosted by scholastic news), and my dad was going to help me submit my book, and I wouldn't finish it. I was a very competitive child, so really I'm not sure what got into me. Mom and Dad, if either of you saved that book by any chance......I'd love to see it.
In 6th grade, in shop class, I decided to make Fro NoFro a skateboard.......hahahahahahahaha
In high school I started knitting a blanket, even bought enough yarn for the whole thing........I finished 3 12"x12" squares....I needed 25....I still have it.
OMIT COLLEGE EXAMPLE
OMIT POST COLLEGE EXAMPLE
A few years ago, I became a giant yoga junky, it was amazing, I was going to 6 classes a week, I felt amazing, my giant ass was looking like a rather fit giant ass. I stopped...I blamed it on money...load of crap. Lady Shells, dear friends and yoga teacher, said I could take her classes whenever I want and she would never charge me....I still haven't gone back. I saw Lady Shells last night...she reminded me of the free yoga offer, in fact she demanded I start showing up...I wonder what the odds are on that one.
Most recently , Sasa Wongstein and I wrote a script...we started in July, in August we had 10 pages left....now....we have 10 pages left...we have outlined those last 10 pages a million times, but we find every excuse in the book to not finish. It is an amazing tween script by the by, with lots of action and plenty of good messages in case anyone is buying!
So here we are....I am the queen of sabotaging my own hobbies..what is that about? I know that I hate the end of doing anything because it's freakin' scary (anyone who I have ever worked with on anything, project or film, knows the puddles of tears that soak my feet and theirs when the end is near). I mean the end means that people will see things and judge them and compare and everything, and it means something new will start which can be exciting and daunting and anxiety inducing...I get it, it's obvious. But hobbies? Things that are for me don't get finished and I have no idea why.
Well I am continuing, with no plan to finish of course....definite plans for disappearing every now and again, but really that's my personality, I am phase driven I suppose. I get inspired quickly, move on, and lose my inspiration....must talk about this with shrink ASAP.
p.s. Mr McPie and I are going to Vegas for the weekend, we have tickets to a concert. 2 days ago, I actually said "we don't have to go if you don't want to?". Is this somehow related to my chronic hobby quitting I wonder? I need to get a grip if anyone knows where I can get a cheap one.
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