So last night I had a much anticipated and long awaited thrice-time-rescheduled reunion with the most dear woman, Moscato. Now I have hardly known Moscato 9 months, but we instantly connected when we met, yet had been recently separated due to circumstance and scheduling, so we were going on three months of not hangin' until last night. You know when sometimes you just want clarity and you think you have looked everywhere for it that you could possibly think of and it still doesn't come? Well I got clarity last night, who knows how long it will last, I definitely wasn't expecting it (In fact, I was expecting a post-Moscato meltdown) and it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, but sometimes, the right person at the right time with the right voice in the right surroundings makes every bit of difference in the world. The in-between-the-lines of our conversation was so much about control and uncertainty, two things every person I have ever met struggles with, it's just a matter of to what level and how we each deal with it.
What is the one thing in the world that we, as people, cannot control...everything (except for ourselves) is the one thing, the all things. I cannot, could not, nor will ever be able to control the weather, or if I get somewhere on time, or Hot Body's barking, or sociopaths and narcissists (well all people for that matter, sociopaths and narcissists can't even be pushed around though.....no fun at all!), or whether or not I am going to be at this job forever. The thing is, there are lots of things we can do to lead things in certain directions, and to persuade the universe to act in our favor, but the fact is absolutely every outcome is absolutely uncertain until it becomes an outcome. And what does I McPie do with this knowledge....I McPie obsess, my mind spins, and I go bat shit crazy.
I recently spent a large amount of my head space feeling completely out of control and uncertain of my financial stability and job situation. As I have posted, this has now changed, I am working and should be financially stable until I get fired (just kidding, but some guy did come to work drunk on Monday, my second day of work, and got fired.....I would so not ever get caught if I went to work drunk, that guy was an idiot). So now, this space in my feeble mind that was filled with madness, is now empty and free to obsess about other things, things like an animated version of myself committing violent acts towards those who have wronged and wondering how I could have done things differently so I could have been more in control of certain situations. Now what does this get me? Absolutely squat! It just makes me sad and angry and sad again. And then I hear something from the brilliant Moscato: McPie, you need to relish these moments of sadness and anger, these are the moments that make all of the amazing moments in our lives feel so amazing.
P.s. I have been doing this raw/clean eating cleanse with Lady Shells this week and OMG and if you don't know what quantum detox is.......holy wow my brain.
P.P.s I want to comment on my own comment about control and narcissists and sociopaths, these are dangerous people to get involved with (I have worked with, dated, and am related to some), these are the kind of people that cause hindsight control obsessions (you like how I am all clinical and make believe there?) a narcissist (A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem) and a sociopath (a person, as a psychopathic personality, whose behavior is antisocial and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience) are different in one big way I have found, a narcissist wears it on their sleeve, they can't help but let you know how amazing they are all the time but a sociopath can be a sneaky rat bastard, they can be all sly about it until all of a sudden they can't anymore and BAM you have been fooled....sneaky mothers.
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