McPie is Changing Colors

So again it has been a while since I have posted anything.  The truth is, I McPie have been blue.  I have been home for some time now and it looks like I will be staying here.  If I leave again, I feel as though I will simply be postponing the feelings I am experiencing now and that is just no good I tell you.  So here I am, dealing with the reality of my life, trying to turn blue into bright yellow or orange or something that glows so brightly it gives off heat.

Since I have been home I have participated in a couple bridal showers, finished a class, seen most of my friends AND family, applied and interviewed for jobs (which clearly I will do until the right one makes a decent offer and by decent  I mean any) and I have even been rollerblading at the beach and now, other than job searching, I don't know how to fill my time.  I SHOULD be writing again as I haven't since I have been home (this is my start) and I SHOULD be participating in more physical activities (I am actually sick so this will wait a few more days).  Fro NoFro has recently started working at my new favorite coffee shop with free wireless, so while I have the time, I do intend to go there everyday and write (not just blogging, do not fret, I promise not to overwhelm your inboxes) whether he is working or not.  In terms of exercise, I could be going to all of Lady Shells' classes but I am having issues with the building that houses most of these classes, I know that sounds nuts, but better to be mad at a building than an entire community of people capiche? Honestly though there are many forms of exercise as we all know and I am walking distance from my gym so really I have no excuse.... but I sure do know how to make 'em!

Anyhoodeehoo....with all of this time I have had ample time to think and reflect, somehow it's different than the thinking and reflecting I was doing when I was out of town, as that reflecting was more recent past and this reflecting seems to be more distant past when really the only thing I NEED to and WANT to be thinking about is my present and my future.  There are occurrences that took place in my life a couple months ago that I won't talk about here but these happenings effected my ability to see my own future...in fact I can't even think about it half of the time.  A few months ago, I was sure I knew what my future looked like, not every detail of course, but I believed that things I had always wanted I would have, I was sure of it.  It's not that I think these things are out of the question for my future, but there is no way for me to be sure about them at this moment.  The thing is, for most of my life I was so scared I would never have what I always wanted, then everything I wanted was dangled in front of my face and it was amazing...until of course it wasn't anymore, and then, in the most despicable way, that dangling future was gone.....and guess what......it will be fine, but somehow, I have to have faith that I will have all the things I want and dream of again....it's just really hard to see it now and that is what I am working on and that's why I am a bit blue (picture a turquoise blue, it really brings out my eyes and the red in my hair).


P.S.  I changed the look of my blog in hopes that if I McPie am orange and yellow than I will actually become orange and yellow (I don't actually believe in this color crap, I am just trying to keep my chin up)