No Fair McPie

So life isn't fair duh.  Nothing is fair duh.  I McPie is not fair, ask Hot Body and Plus Size Model.  Duh Duh Duh.  But still it really sucks when shit is not fair.  Now I am not going to post some giant complaint about why me this and why me that, I want to discuss, with reason, how some people have one thing while others have another.  Why the grass that I think is greener is actually poisoning it's owner (that was amazingly poetic, go McPie!).  We all have buttons and we all PUSH buttons and I'm not sure that life would be very exciting or entertaining if we didn't...I mean, it might not be frustrating and maddening either, but it definitely wouldn't be joyous and exhilarating (adjectives are like crack when I'm writing, I just can't get enough of 'em).

The thing is I can get through some serious crap..and I have, but I can put myself right back in the middle of it when for one second I think about how the experiences that were crap to me were just a bump in the road to someone else.  But there are examples where I was on the other side of it...like my first theatrical part (school play) as Wilbur in Charlotte's Web.....well it was such a big part for a third grader that we would alternate playing the role.  Now, I was always excited to have the lead, I loved every moment of it, I even remember my first line "I'm not fat, they say I'm growing nicely" (if you know me, you are rolling on the floor laughing right now).  Now the little boy who played Wilbur when it was his turn never once saw how awesome it was that he had the lead, he was just pissed that he had to share it and that he couldn't be Wilbur all the time.....I bet you he isn't even over it today and that in his memories I have devil ears (hahaha that would be awesome)...he probably never took to the stage again (until fourth grade when we forced to do the colonial plays).  My point is simply that I don't expect life to be fair, I don't expect people to have the same level of experience and emotion but I do, with every ounce of me, wish there was a balance.   Maybe if I was more understanding (and less proud) of the way my fellow Wilbur had felt, he wouldn't have acted like he hardly remembered me when we ran into each other in Boston 10 years later when I was feeling lost and looking for something to connect to.  Maybe balancing these feelings of life's unfairness comes with recognizing how NOT unique most life experiences are, how so many other people have been through exactly what we have and they are all getting along just fine.  Your bump, my mountain....our hill.

I have also come to realize in my 31 years and eight months on this earth that the people who generally claim to be the luckiest are actually the most miserable bastards out there;  the ones who seem to live in a sink or swim pattern (such as myself) generally have so much to feel lucky about they just can't always see through the muggy waters,  and the ones who claim to have no luck at all, need to change their luck themselves....starting with their thoughts.

p.s.  I highly suggest clicking on the link under the word "crack"...it's pretty genius if I do say so myself.

p.p.s. Congratulations to American Pie and Water Boy, it was a beautiful wedding!! xoxoxoxoxo

p.p.p.s Oh Moscato, you sake me so good!

Free Bird McPie

So it's done, with the help of Fro NoFro, Mr. Junior and Woof Woof, I am no longer a resident of this town, I won't go as far as to say it isn't home or anything, but I will say that I live nowhere right now.  I drove a 14' truck from U-haul to my now old apartment, to Fro NoFro's house, to the storage unit and back to U-haul all in a six hour period with Mr. Junior by my side the whole time (thanks Mrs. Junior for lending him to me, you scored!).  The ONLY thing that went wrong today was that the u-haul battery was dead when I got in it right after we packed the whole thing up (I say 'we', I don't mean 'we', I mean 'they'....although, my legs are all bruised and I can't explain it for the life of me).  Mr. Junior of course tried to jump start it with his luxury vehicle but the puppy was dead, so a AAA semi came, jumped us and we were off.  It was so smooth, the whole thing, I have moved a lot, but this was pretty good.

I was really freaking myself out thinking about how I would probably freak out as soon as we left the storage unit because that would be when all of this would feel real, I mean really real.  And I did freak out, well not really, I kinda just got worked up for a minute, cried for three minutes, and then I breathed and I realized that I was really ok with all of this, in fact I am really good with all of this, and then of course I got overwhelmed by the fact that I was ok and not freaking out, thinking that something must be wrong with me because I wasn't completely panicked and hysterical.  Well maybe less is wrong with me now that I am holding on to nothing, I am a free bird.  I do feel a bit too old to be this bird per-Se, but it is clearly the thing I need to be right now.

I said before that this town is still my home and I would like to discuss for a moment.  The famous saying that home is where the heart is is kind of a crock to me right now; I think 'home' is where your 'stuff' is....period.  Any of my parents might argue that 'home' is where your parents are but really that's just not feasible.  If 'home' is where the heart is, than I live all over the place........actually, I kinda do live all over the place, cause all over the place is kinda the same as nowhere, so maybe that wasn't the best example...I'll try this again.  If 'home' is where the heart is than I am lost...and the truth is, yes I have said I am lost  a lot lately but I am not, my heart is, but I am not (I am out there finding things; can't be lost if you can find things now can ya).  I know that I will be back here (in fact, I will be back so many times before I am actually back here that it is kinda crazy.....I'm like a jetsetter of sorts) everyone I love is here and frankly, this is where my 'stuff' is......see what I mean, home is where your stuff is I'm just putting that out there....

p.s.  Snoop, American Pie, Midge, Fres, Miami, Dishy, Karat, Fro NoFro, Mr. Junior, the soon-to-be Mrs. Junior and Woof Woof made this weekend so survivable for me.......I know they all have strange names but blame their parents..don't hold it against them.

A very McPie dream

Most of my close friends and family know that I have ridiculously elaborate dreams and remember a huge portion of them, well I had a weird one last night/this morning and I think the only way to shake it is to write it down.

In the first half of my dream I had just moved back to Boston with my college best friend American Pie.  We were with all these guys we shared a dorm floor with freshman year, one of them I just saw on facebook got married last week.  We were all living near college and looking for work, but taking classes at the same time.  Mr McPie had apparently told me he was breaking up with me for a couple of days, it hadn't sunk in at this point in my dream. (A total side note, and not part of this dream, Mr. McPie is making me pancakes right now....heaven, don't be jealous :-)).  We were all broke but somehow really happy and seeing the lite, we rode on the T, met other students, told them we graduated 10 years ago but felt like picking up a few classes, I remember we all looked very young in the dream.  Then in my dream I went to sleep and I was aware that I was in a very precarious emotional state and when I woke up in my dream, American Pie and I were living in Los Angeles with my mother, in my old bedroom, but my old bedroom was actually the bedroom from My Father and Step-Mother's house.  At this point in the dream I am very sad because I am aware that Mr. McPie has broken up with me for a few days.  In fact, he let me have the tickets to the concert we are going to.  I had 2 tickets and I think Fro NoFro had a ticket as well so American Pie and I were going to give him a ride but then all of a sudden it wasn't really American Pie anymore, it was some other chick who I don't recognize but still call American Pie, and my gay high school boyfriend, who shall henceforth be referred to as the Mayor, was there and telling me why he broke up with me in high school.  He was super effeminate in my dream and in the dream I was confused as to whether he was explaining to me why he dumped me in high school or why Mr. McPie broke up with me for a couple of days the day before.  The Mayor told me it was because the environment was nicer to him than it was to me.  WHAT?!?!?!?  He said to me "look at your family, the environment wasn't nice to all of you."  Then he told me that I also wasn't a girl of smaller size and told me to look at my pants.  They were very light colored jeans, almost stone washed, and I also remember being aware they were a size 8 and too big (Hey, dreams are part fantasy right).  At this point in my dream we are somehow now caravanning to the Rose Bowl, Fro NoFro, The Mayor, and American Pie are in the back car and Mr. McPie and I are leading in the front.  I guess Mr McPie agreed to drop me off at the concert before driving to General Middle Irvine. AGAIN WHAT?!?!?!  He said he needed dental work done and it would be a really long Saturday.  Before I got out of the car he advised me not to be in alleys by myself, as he said that as he pointed to a tunnel we were driving under.  Right before I woke up, American Pie was walking towards me and told me the boys were following close by.  Mr. McPie said he loved me and we'd talk later....as if he might die in General Middle Irvine.

OK people, this is actually one of my milder dreams.  Some things are very obvious to interpret but other things are kinda like huh? When I woke up this morning I was holding on to Mr. McPie very tightly; not only was I cutting off the circulation in his arm, I was cutting it off in my arm as well...not so happy making.  Anyway, I do feel better now having spewed this all out so I am going to eat some pancakes....yummy.

p.s. I am sorry if the confusion of this post hurts any part of your brain.....at least in this dream I wasn't being chased by a Hairy Toothed Tiger.