We saw AVATAR in 3D IMAX yesterday....wow! This was only a couple hours after I watched the entire mini series of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA....also wow! So here are the two questions that immediately come to mind with every person i encounter this morning: 1) Do "I see you"? and 2) Are you a Cylon?....somehow I'm not sure that this is healthy for someone who is paranoid, even if I am not delusional.
Because I am a semi-rational human being, I believe it is safe to assume that the answer to question number 2 is always a big fat NO. However, question numer 1 has a couple of variables: how open are you and how perceptive am I?
WARNING: if you haven't seen AVATAR, there is a good chance this will feel out of nowhere and totally random (not that most of my posts aren't random, but this is psychological mish mosh, not too interesting)
I believe that I am pretty darn perceptive, it's what makes me a people person (except of course when my notorious mean streak comes out and I am just a bitch). I feel like I "see" people...I mean really really "see" them. Often when I meet someone who is more introverted than I am (lets face it, that's kind of the vast majority of the population) I am still able to get, what I believe to be, a good read on them (I have made obvious mistakes before when I had met someone who was very quiet and so I assumed his entire psychosis, behaved a certain way around him, and then came to find out at a later meeting that he is actually quite loud and obnoxious and was only quiet at the first meeting because he was recovering from a severe case of laryngitis). I have learned from my mistakes and generally don't make any voacl assessments until after the second meeting. I must sound cocky and ridiculous right now, and that's ok, cause sometimes I am when it comes to this.....I just believe that I truely know people better than they know themselves 95% of the time. :-) LOL.
So here is where my paranoia comes in, its actually 2-fold. If I am in an insecure place in my life, here is what might occur: I make my assessments of whomever I am meeting, and create some elaborate story in my mind about them, and then start making a list (also in my mind) about which traits of my personality they are going to judge. THEN I get defensive before anything has happened, which of course makes everybody around me defensive, and then I walk away being someone who once again sucks. The other "fold" of this paranoia is the idea that no one ever really "sees" me. We all go through periods in our lives where we feel totally misunderstood no matter who we are, I feel like that period of my life is my entire life, but I am mostly really ok with it.......so what? I have a handfull of people in my life who do "see" me and that is more than I can ask for.
I believe so strongly in the human bond, and I know that when people bond, they do "see" each other....but not all people bond with all people, in fact, I don't think we form strong and secure bonds with the majority of the people in our lives. I think we get to know people, and at some point, we decide if we are going to know each other and be in touch and hang out and exchange stories, or if we are going to "see" each other and be in touch and experience each other.
I just read my first paragraph and I am not sure how to bring this back there other than to say, if you are more reserved and your book isn't open for just anyone to read, that's cool of course, but know this, you may think you are giving off the image that you want people to perceive of you, but trust me....people see more of you than you know...(please know I am including myself here, there are times when I try desperately to hide my crazy, but I have been told my crazy shines through no matter what I do and ya know, I am so ok with that....today)
P.S. My Dad told me yesterday's blog was quite introspective.....today's is outrospective (not sure that is a word, but I like it!)
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