Not a McPie Place

So this morning, while doing my morning not-so-banker Banker work, one of my temporary co-workers asked me if I thought I might stay in town and I looked at him, cocked my head to the side, and said no I don't think so.  He grinned and said no? And I said no, culturally this place isn't really going to work for me.  Now I need to interrupt myself for a moment (I know my interrupting myself doesn't shock anyone who knows me, be grateful I'm not interrupting you right now as I have been told how terribly annoying it is on more than one occasion...I'm working on it)  and say how the two gentlemen I work with most here are rather great guys, my supervisor, MAN G, and the other guy, MAN S.  To continue, MAN S, the coworker who grinned said ya culturally this place is a little... (pause grin again) and I said ya, that's because of the church right (I swear I didn't interrupt him, he wasn't going to finish that sentence, you could tell)? and he said ya, I mean I'm part of the church but my parents raised me to be very open minded and for a lot of people they just think everyone outside of this bubble is crazy.  And of course I replied ya, most people here would definitely think I am crazy, see I am Jewish.  MAN S than said really?  and MAN G said really you are a Jew?  your parents are Jewish?  your not a Jew your not Jewish...I repeated that yes I am.  Neither of these guys had an issue with me being Jewish but it was just a perfect example of how unlikely it is for a Jew (I McPie) to be in the "city" where I am right now, these people were in fact shocked to meet one.

I should also tell you I had a very similar conversation with a female temporary co-worker yesterday morning where she asked me where I was from and I said, I am from Los Angeles.  She responded, wait did you say Los Angeles?  I said yes.  She said so you are from Los Angeles?  I said yes again.  She said so you aren't from here you are from Los Angeles?  I said yes a third time and I kid you not it went on like this for two minutes.  I couldn't tell if she thought I was part alien or she couldn't believe that someone from Los Angeles would be in this town (this is shocking only in there is quite a film industry out here and you'd think everyone here would know that).  I really don't know if all of this has to do with people in this town not being aware of the outside world (or closing their eyes to it) or if it is that people in this bank aren't aware of anything outside this building.  I tend to go with the first option as I said, the two gentlemen I converse with most are very down to earth, they are also not from here.

Now, I need to make something clear, I am not trying to stereotype people from this town (I know I have never even said where it is, I only just said I was from Los Angeles for the first time).  Through Mrs. Junior's work I have met some really cool locals, and I admit I was shocked that some of them had been born and raised here.  But the truth is, the majority of this town's population does have a religous center in their lives and it is incredibly different from the forces that play central roles in mine. This being said, and bringing it back to the beginning, if the thought of ever living here permanently did cross my mind at any point, it quickly crossed back to where it came from, this just isn't my place and my people aren't here...I'm sure of it.

p.s.  Neither MAN G or MAN S were harmed in any way during my employment here....as for the female co-worker...I can't say.

Who and Why I McPie?

As your average, everyday overly guilt ridden human being, i find it difficult to justify blogging without first apologizing and saying thank you for whatever time you spend reading this.

Now for the first order of business, I shall henceforth be referred to as McPie. I McPie am happy as a clam (usually this would mean something dirty coming from my mouth, but for now I am truly referring to the ever smiling shell of a clam) most of the time, I have hilariously morbid thoughts, and am a HUGE fan of run-on sentences.

Second order of business, my wonderful boyfriend will be referred to as Mr. McPie. It is true we are not married but he is the Mister to my McPie, and as he is currently the most frequently witness to my ever turning brain; he has earned this title twofold. What should be known about Mr. McPie is that, unlike me, every word he utters has been carefully thought out and planned. Where I lack in outside-voice-filters, one could say he has the perfect amount.

Third order of business is to mention my dogs, these little ladies will be referred to by their middle names, Hot Body and Plus Size Model.

Now that all of these little details are out of the way I should tell you why I am writing. Well the honest truth is that I am going bat shit crazy. I am 31 years old and i have no idea what I am doing anymore in terms of a career. I produced three feature films before turning 27, worked retail in fine jewelry, was the director of marketing and admissions at a private Jewish school in Beverly Hills, and currently a client relations manager at a food company. I have been all over the place and am completely unsatisfied at the moment. I am also currently a full time wedding party participant, In the next 8 months, I will be a Maid of Honor twice, a Bridesmaid once, and a sister of the Groom once. With all of this on my resume, I am completely lost. The thing that makes me most happy in life and the thing that I am really great at is taking care of the people I love. Now, if anyone can tell me how to get paid for this, I am open to suggestions.

Don't for a second think I am not aware of all of the psychological implications in this. I NEED to be NEEDED. Without feeling needed and necessary, I shrivel into a pathetic ball of wo-is-me depression, readjust my meds a million times, talk to my therapist more and my parents less, listen to too many ballads and talk to Hot Body and Plus Sized Model as if taking care of them is my only reason to wake up in the morning. Thank god for Mr. McPie, even though he is completely self sufficient, he indulges me by letting me clean the dishes and take his laundry to the cleaners, I kid you not he hates that I do these things (no he is not that good of an actor) but he knows it makes me happy so he grabs onto his neuroses, steps back and lets me do my thing (I am actually pretty sure he rearranges the dish washer when I leave the room....kind of makes it sweet). Many people may find this weak and pathetic, and maybe it is, but my desire to do these things is ridiculously strong and I HAVE to feed it. I am an AMAZING unmarried housewife....however, I am an AWFUL housekeeper. I do want to be good at cleaning but apparently I suck at it....I mean suck bad. I have many roommates from my past who would attest to this. I can tidy up well, and i never leave dirty dishes in the sink (HUGE pet peeve), but this "tidying" I do is not the same thing as "cleaning". Thank god for Roomba and the swiffer. I happen to be a pretty great cook and baker and I happen to be in a relationship with the one man whose heart is not in anyway connected to his stomach. So when i cook, its to have fun in the kitchen and experiment, not to make Mr. McPie happy when he comes home from a long day at work. Don't get me wrong, he appreciates my cooking completely, but food doesn't interest him the way it does most people (there are stories behind this that may or may not be told in the future).

So that was the long explanation to perhaps why I feel the urge to blog. The short answer is that I clearly need to start a new dialogue with myself about what to do next in my career or lack there of.....I am hoping that when I have all these thoughts on paper, I will be inspired by them..

p.s. If it wasn't clear, I am Jewish...Mr. McPie thinks it important that I share this :-)