A Whole New McPie

So I McPie am the same person I have always been but absolutely different in all the ways that don't matter one bit to you yet mean so much to me and my filled-with-opportunity-and-excitement future.  My life is wonderful (obnoxious), I am saying 'yes' to everything that I want (easy) and 'no' to so many things I never have before (shocking).  I am laughing....as much as possible......and I am angry....as little as possible.......sometimes more than others on both counts.  Fro NoFro and Karat got married and it proved to be nothing less than evolution for my family...the whole darn thing.....and it was monumental on so many levels, one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I officially have my blond sister (I have been saying 'blond sister' for so long, old to some people, never to me...and shit, it's my blog).

Now what I really wanted to talk about is this amazingly hilarious and unbelievable thing that happened to me today that seemed the perfect way to start writing again.  So I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my crazy pills (I don't really categorize myself as crazy, nor do the pills make me crazy but somehow it seems that 'crazy pills' is a socially acceptable way of referring to the drugs that stop my anxious brain from blowing through my skull...I'm just saying).  I went to the pick-up counter with the one other item I had picked up on my journey and gave them my name so they could retrieve my prescription.  The pharmacist who I recognize from my monthly pickups looks at me and says "sorry, we don't have that in stock" and my reply was "oh yes you do, I called Friday and you said it would be ready today, then I called this morning and you said my crazy pills were ready for pick up".  The lovely pharmacist, clearly reacting to my tactical use of the term 'crazy pills', decides to go to the drop-off window computer and re-check.  She looks something up and then hollers across the room so that everyone can hear her, even in the section with Depends, "you are right we have them, do you mind if your 'CRAZY PILLS' are in capsule form?" (Her return tactics in shouting across the room to let me know I didn't scare her impressed me, this wasn't a pharmacist to mess with).  So we kept the 'crazy pill' talk going for an incredibly long ten minutes proving that not only do I own my anxiety issues but that she has no respect for them or my privacy...it was amazing...I loved it.  So I am finally ready to pay, I slip her my additional item and she holds it up and says "Can I get a price on this callous scraper?"...I almost died a little bit.........until it got even better....she hands me my bag of things-that-make-me-fabulous, doesn't let go, cocks her head to the side and says...."OMG, did you graduate Blah Blah High School in nineteen ninety blah?"....to which I had to answer "YES...and it was nice to see you too" and then I walked away and laughed really really really hard all the way home...

In hypothetical presumable conclusion, it is safe to say that there will be a large portion of my graduating class that will soon hear that I have gone bat-shit-crazy and have rough-skinned feet......life IS exciting and has a strange way of inspiring me to write again.

P.S. Bat-shit-crazy is an actual-for-reals term because apparently there is something in actual Bat poo that can make a person's brain go haywire.

P.P.S. Everyone puts out good thoughts for my friend OWL until I tell them they don't need to anymore k?

Cope-ability McPie

So I am realizing now the enormity of what I did last weekend.  I let go of everything tying me to a place I have lived for 20 years (minus 3.5 years during college) except for an itty bitty storage unit near Fro NoFro and Karat.  This is big huge seismic large huge holy Godzilla huge what-have-I-done ginormous thing.  Well I am taking care of myself and taking control.  I feel like I have absolutely no control whatsoever and I desperately need to get it back.  Isn't it strange how we make decisions ourselves, take control of our own lives, and then feel totally out of control over everything......

As individuals, we all cope with things differently...really really differently.  It isn't just how we are raised or where we grew up or even who our parents are, I mean these things all play a role, but it is also our chemistry.  I have two sisters and one brother with the same parents and same history yet none of us are remotely similar and we deal with things as differently as humanly possible.  And don't misread that please, we all take care of each other very well.  I believe that I McPie have a delayed reaction to big things in my life and I think it is a coping mechanism.  If I spazzed-out the moment things happen instead of two to three days later, nothing would actually ever happen because in case you hadn't noticed, I do things in extremes (I graduated college in 3.5 years because I convinced myself that I wasn't going to graduate on time so took an obscene amount of classes hence graduating early....a bit extreme nest-ce pas?).  This way, I do something GIGANTOR and then freak about it later when it is too late to go back.  Generally, I don't want to go back, I just want to get through and that is what is happening to me now.  I just want to be at the part when I know what is next.  I have been told in the recent past not to focus so hard on the future because I really have no idea what it has in store, but the truth is that it is really hard to focus on the present when it feels so uncertain.

Perhaps I am supposed to focus on what is certain, and that is me right, I am certainly stuck with myself therefore I am going to be present through whatever it is that I do so I should focus on me right?  I am the first person to admit that I would much rather focus on you than me because my nature says that it is easier.  Still I go forward because I know that despite how freaked out I may be over my recent decisions, they are the right decisions....as is my decision to go to the gym right now.

p.s.  I went to the gym yesterday and there were people there, rest easy and I am sorry I have no catastrophic gym stories to share this time

p.p.s. So I went to the gym, and there were people there and I'm listening to some hardcore hip hop gettin' my treadmill on and on the gym TV they re-run the footage of the figure skater whose mother died a couple days ago and her amazing performance last night and she starts crying and I let a wale like nobody's business, it just blurted out and I starting bawling like a maniac.......no I didn't fall off the treadmill, but man did I make a scene.....damnit!