I McPie VS Clean Slate; I McPie slated to win HOLLA

So I have contemplated how to approach the next I McPie blog post, in fact I have written a few and they are saved as drafts and probably won't be posted.  I am in a really transitional stage of my life, one minute I am freaked out of my shoes and sobbing, and the next I am super excited about the idea that I am going to apply to a temp agency and to work at a coffee house and other odd jobs that will keep me busy in this new place for the next 5 weeks.  I don't want to come off preachy about any of the things I am realizing, and I don't want to sound like I am throwing myself a pity party cause I am absolutely not so it proves difficult to find the subject matter.

I realize now that we all have an inherent desire to matter, I don't want to matter because I make a kick ass coconut cake, which by the way, I do, I make a kick ass coconut cake.  We want to be significant and we want to be effective and we want to know that we have been significant and we have been effective.  We want to know that even though we have quit three jobs, given up our apartments, found someone to foster our dogs, we aren't being replaced as quickly as we got all of these things done (see how I say "we" but really it's all about me, see how I did that there, mmhmmm, just checking).  I don't want to be someone who strikes away from all responsibility and leaves town and it's really good for her, I want to be someone who does this, and kicks its ass! (side-note: SADE is on the Today Show in the background right now, anyone ever notice that when she is just talking she sounds like a man?  just checking.)  Back to ass kicking; I want to do this clean slate like a clean slate should be done!  I want to inspire others to start over, to take back control of their lives, I want to be effective (and no, I do not want to be a self help public speaker....maybe your personal cheerleader though).  I just want this journey I am on to be significant, I don't want this to be the story my friends and family tell my future children about the time when their mom went AWOL, this needs to be the story about when I became the person that I would be for the rest of my life, my best self, my most significant self, my most effective self.  This being said, it's time to see what is happening on craig's list today.

p.s. I heard from Hot Body and Plus Size Model's foster mom and they are doing great, in fact she sent pictures and it looks like they have adopted bull dog puppy......redonkadonk!

Passionate McPie

I need to put my passion somewhere.  I have a tremendous amount of passion, and even if I give Mr. McPie as much of it as he wants and as much as he can take (get your mind out of the gutter people, well keep it in a little, its fun there), I still need somewhere to put the majority of what I have.  People always talk about how they have so much love to give, and I do have a lot of that too but I have great friends and family and spread that around just fine (again people, now you are just gross!) it's this insane amount of passion that I have and nowhere to put it.  Some people call this passion "energy", however, "energy" isn't specific enough for what I have.  You know those kids that start speaking really fast while jumping up and down and get louder by the second as they shake their heads every time they walk in the room to show someone some picture of something that no one can pinpoint?  OK well I am that kid, but I'm not a kid, I'm and adult and that excitement that passion still consumes me and I have nothing to show anyone because I didn't "draw" anything and now I have no idea how to let it out and frankly, it's making me grumpy. 

Sometimes I get desperate and I throw my passion into anything that will catch it, like recently, Snoop started working at a new restaurant, and its great, I love it, so I call people specifically to tell them about it and then I call Snoop 12 times an hour to talk about all these things I would write on yelp and citysearch if I actually wrote reviews and THEN I actually open fake accounts on yelp and citysearch and actually write the reviews I don't even know how to write AND THEN I facebook status update about this new restaurant that I love so much in hopes that somehow, my passion for making Snoop's new restaurant will somehow reward her as she is the hardest working waitress I have ever met and then I remember that even though she will make $264 in tips in just 5 hours, she likely walks with $65 because this new restaurant pools tips and now I am really pissed that I put all this passion into getting Snoop's co-workers a couple extra bucks that should have been all for her.  Situations like these are examples of what I call passion misplacement. 

So I keep thinking about what to do right...  well this week I considered becoming a life coach and then I realized how dangerous that would be, I would use my passion to cheer-lead people into their perfect lives, instead of using it to cheer-lead me in to my own, and then what...they go on without me...or they fail miserably with me...Both options suck for me.  These situations are examples of what I call passion projection.

What is happening right now is that certain occurrences are making it quite obvious that I need to get a grip here.  I tried putting my passion in to figuring out where to invest my passion and frankly it's killed a piece of my soul (I'm sure this piece of my soul is regenerative, however, I still notice that right now it is missing). 

I think there are people who are really great at having their relationships be the best part of their lives without smothering these relationships, I have an insane amount of envy for these people who I like to call "reasonable".  I need to be in a pretty regular state of feeling passionate to be my best self, I need to be inspired.  Bring it on world...I can take it!

P.S.  I totally stole "best self" from Oprah because frankly, if I catch her on tv, and it is one of her inspirational episodes, those moments when she has my attention, I am inspired...so ya, I want to be my best self in 2010..thanks big O (hahahahahaha I said big O)