Temporary McPie

So apparently I McPie am some sort of temp genius, I mean 2.5 hours of testing later I received an 8 and rumor has it, no one has ever gotten a 9 (there is no 10 and most people score 5 sometimes 6).  As silly an ego boost this is, it is an ego boost none the less.  I walked out of my interview this morning feeling rather tall I must say.  Then I went straight to the social security office to order a new card and was thrown in a room with 50 some odd strangers and had to wait like the rest of them, apparently that 8 I received did absolutely nothing for my status.  This isn't actually what I wanted to write about but I had to brag...you know how it is.

I have been thoroughly busy since early yesterday morning and it has felt really good.  Yesterday afternoon, I actually made it to the gym for the first time in a couple months.  No one was there, this could have been a bad thing considering I generally pace myself with some one on a neighboring treadmill or feel the need to work hard just in case someone happens to look at me, I mean there is no way I am going to half ass it if there are people in the gym (also when I am bored but must keep going, I make up stories in my head about the inevitable crazy person on the bike in the corner, it really makes time fly I tell you).  I got on the machine anyway (assuming this was going to be thoroughly boring) and decided I wasn't going to push it as it has been so long, I am at a high altitude and I am not totally confident that I have been getting the proper nutrition lately.  So i picked my music (I am kind of a freak by the way when it comes to work out music, yes I can blast hip hop, but I can also blast Pachel Bell and get my heart rate up) today I decided to listen to an album I was listening to in July, the last time life didn't feel particularly close to perfect.  What happened when I began my 45 minutes of cardio is the last 6+ months of my life began playing back in my head AND in slow motion (yes I am aware slow motion six months in 45 minutes made no sense, but it happened).  At moments I would get really upset and my eyes would well up (these moments made me appreciate that I was alone in the gym) and then other moments I would become enraged and start singing out loud to the music (another set of moments when I relished being alone....actually, I think some janitorial staff came in saw me and ran out, I only think that because I saw the end of someone kicking the water stand, exit abruptly and not look back...and they were wearing a janitorial uniform).  When I finished my cardio and a bit of stretching I felt really good, it was incredibly cathartic (by the way, look up cathartic on dictionary.com, it's kinda ewwy). 

I know the key to this whole clean-slate new-life do-anything-I-want-to phase is to accept how I got here and that I AM here and that everything I am feeling is as temporary as the jobs I am about take on, maybe even more so, but knowing that I need to accept this and and actually accepting this are two very different things.  I don't think knowing is half the battle, I think knowing is one third of the battle, accepting it is another third, and moving on is the final third.  I think I am lingering still around the second third and also trying to move on at the same time which can make for a woozy stomach.  There is a lot of life I let go of less than a week ago and there is a lot of life in front of me and the transition is physically exhausting, thank goodness this place has a fantastic bathtub.

p.s. I will do everything I can to go to the gym sometime in the next hour and this time, I will listen to music without lyrics....I don't trust myself right now, even if I am alone again in the gym, you never know.

I McPie VS Clean Slate; I McPie slated to win HOLLA

So I have contemplated how to approach the next I McPie blog post, in fact I have written a few and they are saved as drafts and probably won't be posted.  I am in a really transitional stage of my life, one minute I am freaked out of my shoes and sobbing, and the next I am super excited about the idea that I am going to apply to a temp agency and to work at a coffee house and other odd jobs that will keep me busy in this new place for the next 5 weeks.  I don't want to come off preachy about any of the things I am realizing, and I don't want to sound like I am throwing myself a pity party cause I am absolutely not so it proves difficult to find the subject matter.

I realize now that we all have an inherent desire to matter, I don't want to matter because I make a kick ass coconut cake, which by the way, I do, I make a kick ass coconut cake.  We want to be significant and we want to be effective and we want to know that we have been significant and we have been effective.  We want to know that even though we have quit three jobs, given up our apartments, found someone to foster our dogs, we aren't being replaced as quickly as we got all of these things done (see how I say "we" but really it's all about me, see how I did that there, mmhmmm, just checking).  I don't want to be someone who strikes away from all responsibility and leaves town and it's really good for her, I want to be someone who does this, and kicks its ass! (side-note: SADE is on the Today Show in the background right now, anyone ever notice that when she is just talking she sounds like a man?  just checking.)  Back to ass kicking; I want to do this clean slate like a clean slate should be done!  I want to inspire others to start over, to take back control of their lives, I want to be effective (and no, I do not want to be a self help public speaker....maybe your personal cheerleader though).  I just want this journey I am on to be significant, I don't want this to be the story my friends and family tell my future children about the time when their mom went AWOL, this needs to be the story about when I became the person that I would be for the rest of my life, my best self, my most significant self, my most effective self.  This being said, it's time to see what is happening on craig's list today.

p.s. I heard from Hot Body and Plus Size Model's foster mom and they are doing great, in fact she sent pictures and it looks like they have adopted bull dog puppy......redonkadonk!

In Pursuit of McPie

So I have decided that I McPie needs a clean slate.  Now those who know me know that "clean" is not a word commonly used to describe much of anything in my life, I myself am quite clean, a HUGE fan of the bath in fact, also a huge fan of a clean kitchen, but most other things in my chaotic existence would hardly be described as "clean".  This slate I speak of is going to be spotless, its going to sparkle and shine and everything wonderful I can think of.  The only problem is, this slate is see-through.  I have no idea what is on the other side.  I have let go of my jobs, given up my apartment, and am sailing away (well driving really, sailing just sounds so much more poetic).  Where will I dock this ship you might ask?  I have no idea really.  However I have my first stop planned, the soon-to-be Mrs. Junior is taking me in as she continues on her successful journey... because well, she invited me, and then insisted, and frankly it scares the Jack in the BeJesus Box out of me and this is exactly what I need right now....to exist in my fears, accept them, and move the heck on. 

Hot Body and Plus Size Model are sensing the changes ahead, and it isn't exactly something I can explain to them, I mean people don't necessarily understand what I am doing, how are dogs supposed to right?  There is a possibility that they will be joining me on my travels, but there is also a chance that they will be taking a vacation from me.  I am torn about the  role my mutts play in my clean slate.  I have never treated them or felt like they were children until I really started considering how it would affect my life if they weren't there every single day.  Many tears shed today over this one.  Plus Size Model could handle the changes, but Hot Body would be a mess tooling around back and forth with me and that would send Plus Size Model into a tizzy and the canine world in which I live would surely implode.....this is what I would like to avoid as I am trying to make this journey about me.  I think other people would be better parents to them than I could be in the next chapter and it is breaking my heart.  Plus Size Model, Hot Body, and Myself all deserve stability and it is my responsibility to find it for us.

In the Pursuit of my own smiles, I am keeping myself open to everything and everyone (accept for the Southern man who tried to pick me up on the plane this morning, I am not open to him, he almost convinced me to meet him for a drink until my dear friend Miami and I did a little recon and found lovely pictures of he and his wife online, so no, I am not open to this man....oh also, he tried to tell me the pictures I found were of his brother and then I asked why he and his brother had the same name and the best part is...he kept trying to get me to go for that drink even after that.  I don't thinks so Southern Man I don't think so).  Thanks Miami!

p.s. For every door that closes, another one opens.....and if it doesn't....open it your dang self!