I McPie is HERE

689 miles, almost 10 hours of straight driving (never going more than 10 miles above speed limit) I MCPIE IS HERE!  I stopped to pee 3 times, 2 of those times filled the car up with gas, munched on nuts and Barbara's shredded oat squares (favorite cereal) and am now sitting in The future Mrs. Junior's hotel suite waiting for her to return, filled with excitement, freaked out of my mind and playing the day's thoughts back in my head, and no, I still haven't had a cup of coffee (I did have an earl grey latte from Starbucks 2 hours in...holy cow).

The drive really went very quickly, Booty told me long distance driving alone can be amazing and it really was.  The state I am in now is the most beautiful state I have ever driven through, and it is in this state that I had some sort of road trip breakthrough (I won't lie, what I am about to tell you could very well have been caused by lack of blood circulation from being stationery too long, or malnutrition). I must start by saying that I am afraid of really large things (mind out of the gutter please people, and if it wasn't in the gutter, sorry I put it there).  I have a hard time processing the enormity of things, an obvious one that freaks many people out would be the universe.  So scale that down a bit to things like say, cliffs or worse...giant windmills and really I get the chills and start jerking around like I'm having a seizure.  I used to think I was just afraid of heights, but then once in Manhattan when driving across town from the Westside Highway towards Court Street, I looked up at the old buildings in front of me and around me and I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest, everything felt so huge and out of place...strange thought to have while in Manhattan.  Anyhow, to the story, as I was driving today, I was staring in the distance all around me (safely of course) and everywhere I looked were these GIANT mountains covered in snow, but right next to the road it was just flat and level to the freeway making the mountains look so much more ginormous, so I started to panic a bit, but instead of turning away or closing my eyes (which of course I really couldn't as they were everywhere and you know, I was driving) I just kept looking and slowly but surely, my heart rate became more normal and the mountains started to look almost unbearably beautiful, they were really really beautiful.  And then the weirdest thing happened in the middle of nowhere, there was traffic, and everyone slowed, so I opened my windows and it was freezing outside, but i just drove along at maybe 20 miles an hour and let the wind absolutely freeze my skin, it felt sharp.  I know this sounds corny and cheesy but something happened and I was just fine for a minute, I wasn't thinking about anything that has been swirling around in my mind lately.  I have been freezing all week, and shaking and absolutely flipping out in relatively warm weather, being completely tortured inside out by this emotional blizzard inside me, but today I got outside in cold, super flippin' cold and it felt amazing.  I wasn't scared of the mountains, I didn't even twitch, and I wasn't cold inside, even though my skin felt like ice, and I am pretty damn sure that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.

This whole experience was just a moment.  But knowing I had that moment is knowing I am capable of having moments like this again....and again...and again and again.  This is now part of my plan, to stay focused in the moment.

p.s. I forgot to mention I had just listed to 5 hours of Wayne Dyer telling me to connect with the world instead of my own form....what a Tool.....for real.